Praise The Lord! I’m FREE!!!
Yes, my scans looked even better this year than last, and I was told I didn’t have to go back to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance next year unless I wanted to! The doctor said I could go back any time I experienced symptoms or just for my own peace of mind, and I am thrilled!
The funny part is that they still can’t explain what happened to me, the rapid onset of symptoms and growth of what they are now calling a “cyst,” or its equally rapid shrinkage and release of my nerves.
Of course, even though she isn’t sure of anything else, this doctor remains adamant that it was never malignant. One of the best oncologists in the country must have been mistaken. It’s just too difficult for an educated mind to grasp that The God of all creation can manipulate the very flesh He created according to His will and purpose.
It’s not this unbelief that bothers me so much as Satan’s attempts to use it to undermine my confidence in God’s ability and power. When even my own son is reporting that I “never had cancer” on top of all the other skeptics out there, it’s like Satan whispering in my ear, “It was all your imagination. You’re just a drama queen. No one believes you.” And I find myself needing to prove or justify the nightmare of pain I’ve lived for the last two years.
But, you know, even if the skeptics are right, and it never was cancer, God still wins. Because the true miracle wasn’t what He did with the tumor, but what He did with my heart. I am not the same person I was in 2009. I thought I was a Christian most of my life. But, when God put that tumor in me, He stripped me to my core. He put a mirror up to my face and all illusion fell away.
I don’t think I even understand the how He did what He did, I only know I can no longer serve a God of my own making, on my own terms. I must possess Him—in Spirit and Truth.
He has started a fire in me that nothing on earth can quench, a fire I must share. I tremble in my flesh because I know He is stretching me far beyond my conceived limitations, but I cannot go back. To deny Him would be death for me. Far worse than the fires of hell, the absence of Him. I couldn’t bear it.
To most, I’m sure this sounds crazy, but every once in a while I find another “child of fire” and I know I’m not alone. What a thrill that is. I started reading Radical by David Platt on this trip and am greatly encouraged that our numbers are growing in spite of the great human cost of being a friend of Christ according to John 15:14.
I pray that all who call themselves Christians receive that fire that makes them step away from a Jesus who fits their lifestyle, and embrace the true Jesus of the Gospel. The Way, The Truth, and The Life. What a different world it would be if we all did!
Obviously, this is what it took for God to get my attention—to make me hear Him saying, “You’re on the wrong path, follow Me.” And I’ll be eternally grateful to Him for that. Without that wake-up call, I would not be here, blogging for Him, sharing His truth and power.
I would still be going about my life, believing God would never want me to be uncomfortable, embarrassed, or out of style. Like many others, I would be oblivious to my own impending destruction. Believing that Christ’s command to be holy as He is holy was relative to the trends of the day.
And, like so many others, I would be wondering why my prayers weren’t being answered, why I never heard God’s voice, why the enemy seemed to work me like his personal yo-yo.
So, cancer or not, it wasn’t the surgery on my backside that revealed God’s greatest miracle in me. It wasn’t the way He manipulated and transformed the tumor that threatened to paralyze me. It was the surgery The Great Physician performed on my heart. The rest is just frosting on the cake.
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
I think it’s time I told the whole story behind this blog–Next time.
God’s grace and peace be yours,
Rebecca
