Blessings Friends,
I hope you are all enjoying 2014.
I’m asking for prayer. I’ve been fighting a cold since the day after Christmas, and now my little one has the bug. I just haven’t been able to curb her kissy face!
But my biggest struggle this year, believe it or not, has been my season of prayer. For the last couple of years I’ve been starting each year with a first fruits offering to the Lord of a 21-day fast. But, this year, I didn’t receive the release for that. I’m really struggling with that.
But Samuel’s words in 1 Samuel 15 keep ringing in my ears,
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” NIV
I was really excited about the opportunity to get closer to the Lord in this season, but it’s become the greatest testing of my life. I never anticipated the isolation waiting on the Lord would entail. And, when God is silent, it’s almost unbearable.
I knew I was a control freak, but I never understood the extent of my “ailment” until now. I never realized how much I depend on God to act like I expect Him to act. But God is God. He never does things the same way twice, so I don’t know why I should expect it. Actually, I do. It’s because it’s comfortable for me.
So, here I am, farther out of my comfort zone than I’ve ever been, wishing there was someone out there I could talk with who actually understands what I’m going through. But my husband has reminded me of others God called, like Noah, spending 150 days locked up in an ark with a bunch of smelly animals, and no mention of hearing from God during that time, yet alone the years he spent building the thing.
I guess when there seems to be only one person in the universe who understands you, and that person is silent for a moment, that moment can feel like an eternity. That’s the human perspective.
Looking back, at the way God talks to me now, not to mention the things He’s revealing to me in the Word, I know I’m being ridiculous, just focusing on the negative. God isn’t working on my schedule. Why is it so hard for me to rest in Him? To trust His timing? This is supposed to be a restful time!
What can I say, I have issues.
Please pray for me, that God’s peace and joy reign in my heart as I’m stripped of one more piece of humanity that keeps me from the heart of God.
God’s grace and peace be yours,
Rebecca
